How I REALLY Feel
I get asked at least half a dozen times "How do you feel?" daily.
Today, isn't exactly a good day for me. I left a 5th message for the scheduler at Moffitt. I'm still waiting for her to give me a consultation with the oncologist and surgeon there.
I saw my OB today who gave me a referral to the high risk OB. Thankfully, baby has a strong heartbeat.
I went to the lab to get blood work done. The nurse blew a vein. That shit hurt like hell. She tried to poke me again on the same arm. I offered the left arm instead. How do you blow a perfectly fat vein is beyond me. Really, I'm not a nurse or whatever so I don't know.
So! How do I feel, really? I am frustrated as all get out. My simple life has been overcome with appointments after appointments. Five appointments this week alone. How fun! If you know me, you know I never go to the Dr's. So to see 5 in a week is more than I do in 3 years. On the bright side I'm getting my monies worth from the insurance this time around. <insert eye roll>
I'm frustrated. I'm angry. I'm not afraid of cancer, chemo, losing my hair, radiation, surgery, losing my breasts, another c-section, etc. I'm angry because this is a major inconvenience. I have 2 little ones, and a 3rd on the way. While I don't have a full-time job, I take care of most of my family's needs. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, taking #1 to school and back, bath time, drs visits, VA appointments, budgeting, paying bills, playing chauffeur, among other things. I just don't have time for this shit. My kids are young and need me for just about everything including wiping their butts. I don't have time to be down from being sick and tired with chemo. My babies need me.
They won't understand that mom is sick.
This couldn't have happened at a worse time. My mom got cancer at 44. If this crap had waited until I was 44 my kids would have been 18 & 21. Adults. They wouldn't need me 24/7. See how that's a pain in the ass and an inconvenience? That's why I'm angry. It's butting into my life at the worst time possible.
So that's how I'm doing. I'm sucking up and putting on a brave face for my kids, family, and friends. I know they are worried and I don't want to add to it. I'm not worried like they are and I think that worries some of them.
Today, isn't exactly a good day for me. I left a 5th message for the scheduler at Moffitt. I'm still waiting for her to give me a consultation with the oncologist and surgeon there.
I saw my OB today who gave me a referral to the high risk OB. Thankfully, baby has a strong heartbeat.
I went to the lab to get blood work done. The nurse blew a vein. That shit hurt like hell. She tried to poke me again on the same arm. I offered the left arm instead. How do you blow a perfectly fat vein is beyond me. Really, I'm not a nurse or whatever so I don't know.
So! How do I feel, really? I am frustrated as all get out. My simple life has been overcome with appointments after appointments. Five appointments this week alone. How fun! If you know me, you know I never go to the Dr's. So to see 5 in a week is more than I do in 3 years. On the bright side I'm getting my monies worth from the insurance this time around. <insert eye roll>
I'm frustrated. I'm angry. I'm not afraid of cancer, chemo, losing my hair, radiation, surgery, losing my breasts, another c-section, etc. I'm angry because this is a major inconvenience. I have 2 little ones, and a 3rd on the way. While I don't have a full-time job, I take care of most of my family's needs. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, taking #1 to school and back, bath time, drs visits, VA appointments, budgeting, paying bills, playing chauffeur, among other things. I just don't have time for this shit. My kids are young and need me for just about everything including wiping their butts. I don't have time to be down from being sick and tired with chemo. My babies need me.
They won't understand that mom is sick.
This couldn't have happened at a worse time. My mom got cancer at 44. If this crap had waited until I was 44 my kids would have been 18 & 21. Adults. They wouldn't need me 24/7. See how that's a pain in the ass and an inconvenience? That's why I'm angry. It's butting into my life at the worst time possible.
So that's how I'm doing. I'm sucking up and putting on a brave face for my kids, family, and friends. I know they are worried and I don't want to add to it. I'm not worried like they are and I think that worries some of them.
*As I was wrapping this up, I got a call from Moffitt. I got my appointment for tomorrow.
Seriously, I should have had this appointment booked yesterday but oh well. They can see me tomorrow morning and Brandon is going to come with me.
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